Charging three devices in the coffeeshop

It's kind of awkward.

It took nearly 2 hours to catch a ride this morning. That was tough and made me start to fret about doing this. Fret because, I'm supposed to do this every day? This is miserable. I'm mostly out of water, and have no caffeine. And, what am I doing? And, I'm nearly 27?! And, is this a thing?

Equanimity is a Buddhist meditation concept. To be objective. To watch our experience without judgement... to literally be focused and aware of just what something feels like. A co-meditator said his sitting pain went away when he became completely aware of what it felt like to be a bone, his sit bone.

Last night I was camping right next to the gay beach. I wandered into the wrong cove and saw a penis on accident. I don't think it saw me. I guess guys come up here and, well, do what I'd do if that was my thing. But it made for feeling vulnerable, or at least not private, 'cause I'd look behind me and see a guy eying whether I was just camping or there for the party. Then, I worried about Hawaiian fisherman who come and fish at night. A truck pulled up at 10pm and I, rather than freeze as I might usually, opened my cell phone and made a point to reveal I was there. A camping haole doesn't have much over local boys there to fish. I took the prime spot on the bluffs and I knew that, but it was the only spot somewhat safe from mistaken propositions. The truck pulled away to a different spot.

In the middle of playing defense by body language, a Chinese guy pulls up in his jeep, walks up to me and asks me a tourist question. His little girl wanders to the bluffs' edge to look at the water, a mere football field from sunning dick. Makes me laugh. I'm in what I feel to be a mildly hostile environment and a sightseer rolls in with naive confidence.

Funny, the pests I face out here.

Some triumphs. Someone told me box wine bags make great pillows and they do!

I'm a bit unnerved at the moment, but I'll have to roll with that. I'm also still in my comfortable area of the island, where oddly I'm more likely to be wary. Novelty gives me courage? Or I don't know better in a new area. Either way, I grow increasingly sheepish when I stay in one spot. I'm staying nearby though because a Medicine for the People concert in Honoka'a that I'm going to. I know I'm meant to go to other areas of the island but I don't know how to make it work there. Yet. It's new. I need novelty but it scares me.

So funny to watch the transitions in the day. 6-8am I'm all fretting, standing in a desert wasteland, watching a beautiful sunrise I'm too @#&$@ to appreciate. Finally, finally I get a ride from Levi, a nice guy who cleans pools. Get some coffee in me and get to writing and I feel a fair bit better. Impermanence.

I only have my laptop camera now, I'm afraid I got sand in my point and shoot a while ago. So pictures will be basically watching to see if this is killing me. haha. Or not. I swear, moments like sunset last night, when the sky explored orange and pink onto grey/turquise water and desert landscape... all the while the sun itself hiding behind a band of dense clouds over the horizon adding mystery to the whole thing. The air was full of vog, which added a dreamlike quality. Oi. (Then comes too the pain of not sharing it with someone, and then the subsequent debate in my head about how when someone is here it's never like I'd imaged it'd be. Then, a thought about remaining equanimous.)

Anyway, business to attend. I have to meditate, too. I didn't feel comfortable enough to last night, and I got outta dodge before sunrise, so I haven't done it at all. I can easily fall into "intellectual entertainment," or a "game of sensations," if I'm not careful. I learned that actually sitting is key, and I'm either doing it or I'm not. Practice the technique. The rest are trinkets (which I collect like Hoggle from Labyrinth, unfortunately.)