tl;dr I miss being in school
I did free yoga in Waimea yesterday. Then as my evening progressed, I got things I'd asked for. Like, I literally asked the universe for something and it came almost exactly as. I let myself get excited, but my literal mind maintains incredulity. So don't worry. Saw a gorgeous sunset. Wish I could take pictures, because the caption for the picture of that sunset would be "Homelessness.. what's the problem?"
I listened to a podcast on cognitive dissonance before "bed." Got me thinking.
Cognitive dissonance is the discomfort associated with behaving in a way inconsistent with our beliefs. What if we ignore our dreams?
What is the consequence of years of 'dissonance reducing'? Re-framing your life so you're comfortable with it, rationalizing the delay. Maybe dreams nag less as you get older...
One angle is: follow your dreams!
Another is: wtf dreams, this is my life, who are you??
Seriously, what are they? There's an arbitrariness to the content of dreams that makes me want to do away with the whole idea. Why would I let beliefs formed when I had less information guide my actions today? My context could be way different from what I expected, so why use outdated orders?
Turns out, whatever the reason, dreams are resilient. Annoyingly resilient. There's an almost instant boost in vitality for me when I take a step toward something I actually care about. And a persistent nagging when I'm not. But I also have to believe that I could follow all the way through. To actually believe that I will do each subsequent important step toward success. But fears present themselves as facts so it looks matter-of-fact that I couldn't accomplish something.
And to unpack that a bit: That's everything that is mental wellbeing. So it's easy to write in a sentence, but that's not the kind of 'realization' that has any punch when you're blanking along in quotidian ambivalence. Which I've managed to do at times even while living out of a backpack on a tropical island.
Whatever. Maybe this is the trick to The Secret, which I don't' know "how" to do because I've never read it. I'm just trying to phrase my plans in terms of somewhat vague wishes and seeing what happens. I suspect maybe there's something to recognizing a pivital moment to turn towards what you want, and having the "courage" to do it. Maybe just maybe, instead of saying "Is this even worth it? Why take this risk/step when I don't think I can do xxx later on?" (Or plainly: "I will fail.") you say to yourself "Hm, this is the universe presenting me what I'd asked for, so grab it."
disclosure: first morning cup of coffee stimulated reasoning.
Anyway, I found it all charming. And I'm getting comfortable admitting to myself I even have dreams. And... hm. I woke up this morning and sat for a half an hour during the sunrise, off in a secret thicket I camp at. Then I had fruit and water-bottle brewed tea, hiked back to Mau'umae Beach, and swam with a few turtles and some schools of fish. More free yoga in Waimea today. Snooooooooooze button on life.
